I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
