Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
