I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
