Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
