i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
