just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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