Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
