ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
