Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
