I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
and you fell through a lawn chair
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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