Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
As shirtless as possible
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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