Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
wow bdsm is so cute
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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