Swine flu. Run for my life!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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