Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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