New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
