I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
