Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
