It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I believe in your delicious
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
