sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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