You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
