I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Randomize
