you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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