i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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