Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
