Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
