you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
