If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
