so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
