You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
