I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
