I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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