Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
