You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
