I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize