he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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