is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
