Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
