You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
