Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
