Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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