I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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