Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
