THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
