I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
