Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
