You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
