i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
