He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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