I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
