i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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