So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
