She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I deserve this hangover.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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