Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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