and you said cock pushups were impossible
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
