I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
