well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
