My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
