billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
