So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
