Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
