I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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