i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
