It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
