can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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