I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
