and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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