Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
