Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
