An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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