Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
