No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
They have beer where we have blood.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
