I love having hate sex.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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