who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
