Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
