Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
