i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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