Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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