I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
