Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
