I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
