He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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