so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
