I have demons in me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
