wrigley field is MILF paradise
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
well you can't waste a boner
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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