She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
