Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
